So I realized something I like about teaching last night, or maybe really early this morning, especially with the crowd I'm working with. I can count on them to be honest.
There's an adult I have in my orbit at the moment. Yesterday, I saw that he's mostly a smiling fuck-you. He appears sweet. He's always nice. But he makes promises to get me off his back, and in the end, just does whatever he wants, or takes insufficient actions in accord with his promise. That way, he can say he did something, but he doesn't have a result.
And the screwy thing is that the promises to me are inside a promise to himself.
So, I have a student who makes farting noises in class, some who mock me, who wrestle each other, won't look up from their phone, go to sleep, about whom I rejoice when they let me teach the few willing to learn.
I find it incredibly hard to like them sometimes. It's almost as hard to love them sometimes, but I'm used to that. I think I related yesterday my father's response to the question why he made it so difficult to love him.
Many have been hurt. Many are displaced in some way. Why should they let me in? Given their experience to date, they probably have good grounds to expect the rug to be pulled out from under them, to be disappointed or hurt in some way.
And someone always had my back, even if that wasn't always my experience. So maybe I can guess or imagine, but I certainly can't know how it is to be where they are.
And I also get the gap between where they are and where I think they are sometimes, and it's bigger than I thought, which I experienced yesterday, but now I know I have to take a few more steps back to get them on the right path moving forward.
And with my stronger students, I did Janos Plinsky's Fable, and I had one that said, “Please, More.” and that just made my day; so it's time to find more.
I'm skipping the list. If I don't, I'll never post this.