So this nice thing about answering other people's queries is that sometimes I get some clarity on matters I interesting me.
In my case, it's what is the next ten years, or all of my future as the case may be, going to look like. In moving, I've unearthed a lot of history, and a lot of it looks just like today. In one bit, I was looking for what to look forward to with the same concerns that if I do nothing, or at least don't aim myself appropriately, I'll have nothing to show for it later. A few years have gone by since that comment, and my situation hasn't changed appreciably.
If anything, life occurs to me as more meaningless than ever, I'm more depressed than I have ever been, and feel less and less that I can have any real impact on the world.
And I look back and think if I had taken to any direction with more conviction, I'd have done more than this, even if the upshot were climbing the wrong bureaucracy. At least I'd have a better appreciation for bureaucracy.
Or if I'd stuck more consistently to teaching, and been less attached to a result, maybe I'd have more of a result, or at least more of a facility to touch people.
What came up today are a number of coaching conversations.