So this nice thing about answering other people's queries is that sometimes I get some clarity on matters interesting me.
In my case, it's what is the next ten years, or all of my future as the case may be, going to look like. In moving, I've unearthed a lot of history, and a lot of it looks just like today. In one bit, I was looking for what to look forward to with the same concerns that if I do nothing, or at least don't aim myself appropriately, I'll have nothing to show for it later. A few years have gone by since that comment, and my situation hasn't changed appreciably.
If anything, life occurs to me as more meaningless than ever, I'm more depressed than I have ever been, and feel less and less that I can have any real impact on the world.
And I look back and think if I had taken to any direction with more conviction, I'd have done more than this, even if the upshot were climbing the wrong bureaucracy. At least I'd have a better appreciation for bureaucracy.
Or if I'd stuck more consistently to teaching, and been less attached to a result, maybe I'd have more of a result, or at least more of a facility to touch people.
What came up today are a number of coaching conversations.