Well, the hair over my mouth has gotten to an annoying length. It's been too long for a while already, but not quite long enough that I can braid or twist it to the side so that it stays. And I'm too lazy to wax it every morning.
Mom and I looked at a house yesterday, and it was sooo pretty.
I've been reminding myself to look at the past as if each moment were pre-ordained, and the future as if each moment were mine to author. When I can get my head in there, for a moment at a time anyway, there is power.
Mark Joyner has this magical minute that he suggests a person do twice a day. It's core is a sequence noting what a person is sick of, and then providing steps to a goal “Your One Thing…, so I can….” Across the top is a list of your influencers, and these could be people you want to please or make right or people you want to give the finger to. The form has space for six, so that's what I adopt here:
- Tobin: negative
- Pop/My Ghosts: it's about proving I can and appeasing my past self.
- Sharleen: I don't know. I want to show her I can, and do. I think I just know it's my turn.
- Mom: I want to make her proud, and get her off my back about Landmark.
- Rose: She should know I can take care of her kid and grandkids.
- My Kids: I want them to invent and live into something for themselves.
- “No More” Scarcity, to be achieved thus:
- design and draft my Plan
- do the rest of my Program
- get my initial/practice clients done
- serve two other clients, discounted if necessary to get the ball rolling
- ramp up the business
- My one thing: Twenty Thousand a Month
- So I can (and here there are various versions that cycle through my mind, like:
- not need anyone's permission
- fund my (family's) current life, and have the life I want
- know I can
- show up the assholes
- powerfully say (*&%^ You to various people in my life
- appease my ghosts
- keep my word
And now that the form is designed, it continues with a meditation, and this is the magical minute:
- When You achieve your one thing, what will feel especially good about it?
- Whe You achieve your one thing, how will it affect your influencers?
- Name at least one immediate action You can take that will bring you closer to achieving Your One Thing?
And it's the first two of these where I get stuck. There is no “especially good” that I have yet been able to think of.
And as to the influencers, my kids have their heads screwed on better than I have ever had; so I'm not really worried about them. The rest, I don't know what to say. Tobin I really couldn't care about. He'd probably just say I got lucky and stick with his damned judgments anyway.
And I finished reading Shea's book, and I just got more depressed, about my dad, and the Jewish thing, and wondering if I haven't tried to live so much of my life trying to fix what can't be. So where am I now?
Fake it till you make it as they say. And then what?
So, ten things I could share about:
- a relationship with my dad and his death
- being a person people are happy to hear from
- a sister who listens to me
- great kids
- a wife who is up to big things
- a new practice??
- how I engage people
- the practice I almost bought
- house shopping with mom
- relationship with my Sharleen
- Chabad camp
- Roger and Jackie
- my tennis racket
- not going to the swim club
- inviting myself out for Shabbat
- the tires